Need sex. Gaining weight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
