I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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