We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
