I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
