i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I CAN MOONWALK!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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