...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I faked an abortion last night.
My hand turned me down
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
