): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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