I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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