Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
