I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
