my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
