She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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