life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
