Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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