Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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