I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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