glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
