If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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