So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
