The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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