i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
