If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
