your room smells of hookers.
And success
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
