Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You made out with two different species that night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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