Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
