new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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