Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
