My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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