ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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