The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
