thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
