I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
