Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
