when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
