well you can't waste a boner
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
