It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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