Where is the hickey?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
