it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize