I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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