There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
