so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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