I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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