Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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