R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He felt like a one man threesome
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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