Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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