Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize