I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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