i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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