I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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