apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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