Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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