I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
