First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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