Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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