everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
