quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
