3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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