So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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