Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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