I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I AM VODKA MAN
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
